1. The Invisible Woman That God Saw
2. The Butler is Innocent
3. When The Captive was Free
4. Just Because I Dont Care Does Not Mean I Dont Understand
5. How To Talk To People That Think Your An Idiot
6. Damn Gravity
7. 53 Things To Do While Your Stuck
8 I'd Like To Know....
9.What Can Man Do To Me?
10. The Greeting Table
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Something I really dislike
I have been really annoyed lately at people who refuse to communicate yet expect you to understand what they need and want. Some people think they are being so kind by trying to gently tell you what they want or what they dont want yet by being "kind" they end up just being confusing and aggravating.
I must admit I am guilty of this alot of time and I get angry with myself when I do it however there have been alot of incidents lately where I have had people angry with me for weeks, even months because they havent told me directly that they wanted something or that I was doing something that hurt them.
The worst part is often these people are two faced and will tell you they are perfectly happy with you to your face but tell others what an "ogre" you are. I have a good heart and I love people and generally try to be a nice person but when people do this to me I feel like such a bad person. Then I get confused because I have no idea "how to be a better person" when it reality I never did anything wrong.
I cant do anything about how others will do this but I am going to try my best to change my ways of communicating so I dont do this to others and maybe perhaps feel better about myself when I am honest.
I must admit I am guilty of this alot of time and I get angry with myself when I do it however there have been alot of incidents lately where I have had people angry with me for weeks, even months because they havent told me directly that they wanted something or that I was doing something that hurt them.
The worst part is often these people are two faced and will tell you they are perfectly happy with you to your face but tell others what an "ogre" you are. I have a good heart and I love people and generally try to be a nice person but when people do this to me I feel like such a bad person. Then I get confused because I have no idea "how to be a better person" when it reality I never did anything wrong.
I cant do anything about how others will do this but I am going to try my best to change my ways of communicating so I dont do this to others and maybe perhaps feel better about myself when I am honest.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
My favorite play times as a child
One of my favorite places to play when I was little was under a "great big" pine tree in our yard. My dad was a machinist so he brought home a "spool" for large wire that I would use as a table. I would play tea party and house for hours. I also loved to play teacher and would put my stuffed animals and dollies around the table.
I found this place a solace from my world of hospitals and surgerys. I could fantasize about being a mommy. Keeping my "children" happy and safe. I'd teach them how to read and spell and give them lessons on etiquette and manors.
I loved playing with the pine cones and sticks under the tree and alway felt like the tree was hiding me from everything, keeping me safe even though I could be seen from the street in the front.
I also had a life size doll house I loved to play in during my kindergarten class. They had play cups and and bowls, pots and pans that I would pretend to take care of my own beautiful house. I dont rememeber anyone ever playing with me in it so I could make it any way I wanted.
Come to think of it playing house was my favorite game.
I found this place a solace from my world of hospitals and surgerys. I could fantasize about being a mommy. Keeping my "children" happy and safe. I'd teach them how to read and spell and give them lessons on etiquette and manors.
I loved playing with the pine cones and sticks under the tree and alway felt like the tree was hiding me from everything, keeping me safe even though I could be seen from the street in the front.
I also had a life size doll house I loved to play in during my kindergarten class. They had play cups and and bowls, pots and pans that I would pretend to take care of my own beautiful house. I dont rememeber anyone ever playing with me in it so I could make it any way I wanted.
Come to think of it playing house was my favorite game.
5 Things I'd take to a deserted island
1. My bible because I'd need lots of comfort and encouragement if I was feeling so trapped and scared I"d never get back home. I'd also want to keep my heart close to the Lord to survive
2. My kitty to make sure I could take care of her.
3. My bean pillow so I could have some comfy place to lay
4. My kefty excercize things to keep limber so my legs dont hurt
5. a water filter cause you cant drink sea water
2. My kitty to make sure I could take care of her.
3. My bean pillow so I could have some comfy place to lay
4. My kefty excercize things to keep limber so my legs dont hurt
5. a water filter cause you cant drink sea water
My favorite dolls growing up
Raggedy Anne and Andy were my favorite growing up. I had a Raggedy Anne on my crutch when I was little and a male friend of mine had a Raggedy Andy. We always hung out so when people saw us together they thought we were "a couple" lol. I guess that is one thing that I loved about it is that it brought smiles to peoples faces that I passed by. People often stare at me like Im kinda freaky but when I was little they couldnt help but think. CUTE. Boy are those days long gone lol.
Another of my favorite dolls was a furry stuffed puppy I called Puff. He went with me through all my surgerys and by then I had at least 10. I would feel like he was my guard dog against the doctors. It was a silly notion but when your a scared little girl it sure seemed comforting.
Mandy was a doll that I had been looking at for months because she was beautiful. She had blonde shoulder length hair and a pretty pink night gown with lace on the bodice. I pretended she was my little girl. I had dreams of being mommy and was so trying to learn to be a good one :)
I think dolls really gave me an opportunity to dream about what I wanted to be and do when I grew up. I could be a mommy, a teacher, and a wife. Dolls were a wonderful outlet for me.
Another of my favorite dolls was a furry stuffed puppy I called Puff. He went with me through all my surgerys and by then I had at least 10. I would feel like he was my guard dog against the doctors. It was a silly notion but when your a scared little girl it sure seemed comforting.
Mandy was a doll that I had been looking at for months because she was beautiful. She had blonde shoulder length hair and a pretty pink night gown with lace on the bodice. I pretended she was my little girl. I had dreams of being mommy and was so trying to learn to be a good one :)
I think dolls really gave me an opportunity to dream about what I wanted to be and do when I grew up. I could be a mommy, a teacher, and a wife. Dolls were a wonderful outlet for me.
These are a few of my favorite things.
1. Dolls
2. Piano Music
3. Thomas Kinkade/Norman Rockwell Art
4. Mountains in summer
5. Rainbows
6. Gardenias
7. Sunshine
8. Warm rains
9. Jewelry
10. Good friends
11. True story movies
12. Thunder
13. Snuggles
14. Fire places
15. Sparkly things like sequins and glitter
16. The smell of real pine
17. Oceans
18.Tinsel on Christmas trees
19. Christmas
20. The smell of baking
21.Gum drops
22. Cinamon bears
23. The Waltons
24. Little House on The Prairie
25. Victorian style dresses (Cinderella style)
26. Lace
27. Snow (looking from inside out)
28. Poetry
29. Gingerbread cookies
30. Quilts
2. Piano Music
3. Thomas Kinkade/Norman Rockwell Art
4. Mountains in summer
5. Rainbows
6. Gardenias
7. Sunshine
8. Warm rains
9. Jewelry
10. Good friends
11. True story movies
12. Thunder
13. Snuggles
14. Fire places
15. Sparkly things like sequins and glitter
16. The smell of real pine
17. Oceans
18.Tinsel on Christmas trees
19. Christmas
20. The smell of baking
21.Gum drops
22. Cinamon bears
23. The Waltons
24. Little House on The Prairie
25. Victorian style dresses (Cinderella style)
26. Lace
27. Snow (looking from inside out)
28. Poetry
29. Gingerbread cookies
30. Quilts
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Alternate story to my life
My name is Wendy Packard. I am 42 year old wife. I am a native of Colorado. I am just your average ordinary house wife. I have 3 beautiful children who I adore and they adore me. I am athletic and love to hike in the mountains exploring nature and taking in the beauty of God's creation.
I am a very successful author and speaker. I've written 4 devotionals and speak across the country about how through positive living and taking care of yourself, you can achieve anything.
I have been married for 9 and a half years to my husband who is a pastor of a church in the hills. He is attractive and sometimes that makes me turn into a jealous dote but he understands and is very patient with my shortcoming.
My mother and father are still alive both in their 60s. I have one brother and one sister, both younger. . My sister is pretty and owns her own furniture warehouse. My brother is a pretty strong and sturdy plumber and has won many awards for the work he has done, including work at Disney . I also have a sister in law by my brother and two nephews.
I have 4 years of college under my belt . I havemy counseling/psychology degree. My husband has also been a source of confidence for me. He makes me feel smart perhaps smarter then I really am and constantly encourages me to pursue things that will biuld on my strengths. I can also ask him anything and he doesnt make me feel stupid. When I have been convinced that I couldnt do something he will push me til I at least try my best.
My dream is to one day own my own christian counseling agency for people that are christians that have been hurt by the rest of the church. Often christians need help but are afraid to reach out because they are told they arent being godly or faithful enough and I would like a counseling agency that is a safe haven for people that need to heal.
Anyway thats my life in a nut shell. I hope to get to know you more as well and thank you for listening to my story.
I am a very successful author and speaker. I've written 4 devotionals and speak across the country about how through positive living and taking care of yourself, you can achieve anything.
I have been married for 9 and a half years to my husband who is a pastor of a church in the hills. He is attractive and sometimes that makes me turn into a jealous dote but he understands and is very patient with my shortcoming.
My mother and father are still alive both in their 60s. I have one brother and one sister, both younger. . My sister is pretty and owns her own furniture warehouse. My brother is a pretty strong and sturdy plumber and has won many awards for the work he has done, including work at Disney . I also have a sister in law by my brother and two nephews.
I have 4 years of college under my belt . I havemy counseling/psychology degree. My husband has also been a source of confidence for me. He makes me feel smart perhaps smarter then I really am and constantly encourages me to pursue things that will biuld on my strengths. I can also ask him anything and he doesnt make me feel stupid. When I have been convinced that I couldnt do something he will push me til I at least try my best.
My dream is to one day own my own christian counseling agency for people that are christians that have been hurt by the rest of the church. Often christians need help but are afraid to reach out because they are told they arent being godly or faithful enough and I would like a counseling agency that is a safe haven for people that need to heal.
Anyway thats my life in a nut shell. I hope to get to know you more as well and thank you for listening to my story.
Hello Stranger
My name is Wendy Packard. I am 42 year old wife. I am a native of Colorado. I wish I could tell you that I am your average house wife but that isnt exactly true. I am very unique in alot of ways. One of those ways that ditinguishes me as different is that I have a birthdefect called Spina Bifida. That means when I was born my spine wasnt fully developed so there are alot of nerves and tissues that were not connected so there are alot of complications that go with that.
Mostly internal complications are a part of what I deal with but as you can see I am in a wheelchair and have deformed legs and feet. I've been told that the upper half of my body is attractive although I dont exactly see what people see in me that gives them that opinion.
Most the time I do not have pain with the exception of nights when the nerves are dormant from not moving as much. I usually dont hurt unbareably but occassionally it does get overwhelming in which case I have a few pain meds.
Another thing you will find unconventional about me is I dont have very good coordination in my hands as they have a bit of cerebal palsy also my eyes are a tiny bit crossed.
Because of other internal complications I've had I have had 23 surgerys since I was 6 hours old. Most of the surgeries I've had are cosmetic but there have been some that have been life saving. The ones that have been threatening usually involved the shunt in my head which is there because of excessive water on my brain called Hydrocephalas. There have been very severe revisions to my shunt that I have had although most of them have not been.
Another thing about me is that I have been married for 9 and a half years to my husband who is a video editor. He is able bodied and still finds me attractive which blesses me because I have always thought I would only end up with someone with a handicap.
My mother and father are still alive both in their 60s. I have one brother and one sister, both younger. They were not born with any handicaps. My sister is usually pretty sickly but usualy its sinus infections and such, my brother is pretty strong and sturdy and is generally pretty healthy. I also have a sister in law by my brother and two nephews.
I am also married as of 2001 to my husband of 10 years at 32 years old. He is able bodied as well and I feel extremely blessed because I always thought that if I ever did get married that it would be to a handicapped person.
I have 4 years of college under my belt although no degree as of yet because of different circumstances that have pulled me away from finishing. I hope to someday get my counseling/psychology degree. Even though I havent finished I am satisfied with having as much as I did because it showed me that I have the intellegence that when I was born was discredited by doctors and other professionals.
My husband has also been a source of confidence for me. He makes me feel smart perhaps smarter then I really am and constantly encourages me to pursue things that will biuld on my strengths. I can also ask him anything and he doesnt make me feel stupid. When I have been convinced that I couldnt do something he will push me til I at least try my best.
My dream is to one day own my own christian counseling agency for people that are christians that have been hurt by the rest of the church. Often christians need help but are afraid to reach out because they are told they arent being godly or faithful enough and I would like a counseling agency that is a safe haven for people that need to heal.
Anyway thats my life in a nut shell. I hope to get to know you more as well and thank you for listening to my story.
Mostly internal complications are a part of what I deal with but as you can see I am in a wheelchair and have deformed legs and feet. I've been told that the upper half of my body is attractive although I dont exactly see what people see in me that gives them that opinion.
Most the time I do not have pain with the exception of nights when the nerves are dormant from not moving as much. I usually dont hurt unbareably but occassionally it does get overwhelming in which case I have a few pain meds.
Another thing you will find unconventional about me is I dont have very good coordination in my hands as they have a bit of cerebal palsy also my eyes are a tiny bit crossed.
Because of other internal complications I've had I have had 23 surgerys since I was 6 hours old. Most of the surgeries I've had are cosmetic but there have been some that have been life saving. The ones that have been threatening usually involved the shunt in my head which is there because of excessive water on my brain called Hydrocephalas. There have been very severe revisions to my shunt that I have had although most of them have not been.
Another thing about me is that I have been married for 9 and a half years to my husband who is a video editor. He is able bodied and still finds me attractive which blesses me because I have always thought I would only end up with someone with a handicap.
My mother and father are still alive both in their 60s. I have one brother and one sister, both younger. They were not born with any handicaps. My sister is usually pretty sickly but usualy its sinus infections and such, my brother is pretty strong and sturdy and is generally pretty healthy. I also have a sister in law by my brother and two nephews.
I am also married as of 2001 to my husband of 10 years at 32 years old. He is able bodied as well and I feel extremely blessed because I always thought that if I ever did get married that it would be to a handicapped person.
I have 4 years of college under my belt although no degree as of yet because of different circumstances that have pulled me away from finishing. I hope to someday get my counseling/psychology degree. Even though I havent finished I am satisfied with having as much as I did because it showed me that I have the intellegence that when I was born was discredited by doctors and other professionals.
My husband has also been a source of confidence for me. He makes me feel smart perhaps smarter then I really am and constantly encourages me to pursue things that will biuld on my strengths. I can also ask him anything and he doesnt make me feel stupid. When I have been convinced that I couldnt do something he will push me til I at least try my best.
My dream is to one day own my own christian counseling agency for people that are christians that have been hurt by the rest of the church. Often christians need help but are afraid to reach out because they are told they arent being godly or faithful enough and I would like a counseling agency that is a safe haven for people that need to heal.
Anyway thats my life in a nut shell. I hope to get to know you more as well and thank you for listening to my story.
Friday, April 1, 2011
If I were a tree
If I could be any tree I'd want to be an aspen. The are beautiful even when they are wilting and when winter has taken all the leaves they are still beautiful. In autumn when they are beginning to wilt they become more and more colorful and more attractive to the eye of the beholder. The dont seem very strong and tall but they last a long time and when itcomes down to it what good does it do to be strong and tall if your not sturdy and can stand the winds of the seasons or fires.
I'd like to think that I could be like that. The more time brings me trials and hard winds the more beautiful I become. Its already too late for the outside but the inside is what people are most drawn too and Id like to have people drawn to me.
I use to be more of an Aspen then I am now. Life has blown away alot of the beauty I use to possess but I realize that its not my beauty people see if they see any but our Lord's. I want to be drawn to Him more so that people see more beauty in me.
I'd like to think that I could be like that. The more time brings me trials and hard winds the more beautiful I become. Its already too late for the outside but the inside is what people are most drawn too and Id like to have people drawn to me.
I use to be more of an Aspen then I am now. Life has blown away alot of the beauty I use to possess but I realize that its not my beauty people see if they see any but our Lord's. I want to be drawn to Him more so that people see more beauty in me.
In My House
I have a couple of small black bookshelfs that we formed into our entertainment center.. It has our tv on top and a gadget that you push the buttons to turn from tv to dvd and such. On the other side is a valentines card and an empty vase.
On the first shelf is the wii and the life alert machine to respond to my bottun. The second shelf is a bunch of my husband's work dvds and a box of tapes.
On the next shelf is the cable box and dvd player and a couple of cds and on the last shelf is some phone books and some magazines
Next to the entertainment center is a tv tray with a bunch of magazins and mail on it also a remote.
on the far side of that room is a nordic track skiier on a mat.
In the middle of the room is a large round cherry wood coffee table on top of an oriental rug. Next to it is a large chocolate brown sectional with some blankets, a tripod and the black and white cat on it
On the walls is a serenity prayer picture with the laughing Jesus and Faith, Hope, and Love plaques. Another wall is a rose picture with two doves in the middle that says Love is Patient. Next to that is a marriage commitment plaque.
In the dining room is the water cooler and the Keurig coffee maker with boxes of Kcups next to it. There is a table with a whole box of snack foods and a couple of dishes that need to be cleaned, also a bag of cat food and some paper towels. Under the table is the cat dish with food and water.
In the kitchen is the counter with lots of dishes that need to be washed and the cooking gadgets such as the Nuave oven and kitchen aide mixer. On the other side of the stove is a Lazy Susan with serving spoons, ladels and spatulas.
In our main bedroom is a bed, a dresser, a bedstand, and my scooter. On the bedstand is our alarm clock and a glass of water. On the bed is quilt that is mainly light blue patches with flowery patterns, a bunch of pillows some normal and a couple of corn hull pillows.
In my favorite room is a desk with a bunch of books on top, a few flowers and a doll. Also a paper rack and some pens and pencils.
On the other side of the room is the day bed with a whole bunch of teddy bears and dollies on it
On the first shelf is the wii and the life alert machine to respond to my bottun. The second shelf is a bunch of my husband's work dvds and a box of tapes.
On the next shelf is the cable box and dvd player and a couple of cds and on the last shelf is some phone books and some magazines
Next to the entertainment center is a tv tray with a bunch of magazins and mail on it also a remote.
on the far side of that room is a nordic track skiier on a mat.
In the middle of the room is a large round cherry wood coffee table on top of an oriental rug. Next to it is a large chocolate brown sectional with some blankets, a tripod and the black and white cat on it
On the walls is a serenity prayer picture with the laughing Jesus and Faith, Hope, and Love plaques. Another wall is a rose picture with two doves in the middle that says Love is Patient. Next to that is a marriage commitment plaque.
In the dining room is the water cooler and the Keurig coffee maker with boxes of Kcups next to it. There is a table with a whole box of snack foods and a couple of dishes that need to be cleaned, also a bag of cat food and some paper towels. Under the table is the cat dish with food and water.
In the kitchen is the counter with lots of dishes that need to be washed and the cooking gadgets such as the Nuave oven and kitchen aide mixer. On the other side of the stove is a Lazy Susan with serving spoons, ladels and spatulas.
In our main bedroom is a bed, a dresser, a bedstand, and my scooter. On the bedstand is our alarm clock and a glass of water. On the bed is quilt that is mainly light blue patches with flowery patterns, a bunch of pillows some normal and a couple of corn hull pillows.
In my favorite room is a desk with a bunch of books on top, a few flowers and a doll. Also a paper rack and some pens and pencils.
On the other side of the room is the day bed with a whole bunch of teddy bears and dollies on it
I am
I am 4"11
I am suffering from allergies
I am wearing a pink t shirt from a womens conference in 2006
I am wearing jeans
I am in a wheelchair
I am bored
I am watching SuperNanny
I am really disappointed I couldnt go out today cause I didn't feel good
I am looking forward to church on Sunday
I am a bit hungry
I am not sure I am going to be very good at this writing thing
I am waitng for my home health worker
I am a christian
I am a daughter
I am a wife
I am a woman
I am drinking Dr. Pepper
I am hoping to get to see the movie Hop
I am making an I am list as a prompt
I am not sure how this is going to help my writing
I am suffering from allergies
I am wearing a pink t shirt from a womens conference in 2006
I am wearing jeans
I am in a wheelchair
I am bored
I am watching SuperNanny
I am really disappointed I couldnt go out today cause I didn't feel good
I am looking forward to church on Sunday
I am a bit hungry
I am not sure I am going to be very good at this writing thing
I am waitng for my home health worker
I am a christian
I am a daughter
I am a wife
I am a woman
I am drinking Dr. Pepper
I am hoping to get to see the movie Hop
I am making an I am list as a prompt
I am not sure how this is going to help my writing
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
The Night I Gave My Heart To The Lord
I grew up in a church where a relationship with the Lord was just something that was expected of you, not something you choose to do because your heart is in it. If you didn't want to go to Hell you get saved. I always thought I could say the words and that was enough. I didn't understand that it was my heart He wanted not just my will.
When I was 13 I was doing my usual going along thinking I was doing fine when I was laying in bed one night and I heard yelling in the living room, it was my parents. They were arguing about the church.
My father was on the board and unbeknown to me there was a merge between our church and the Korean church in town because they needed a building. My dad was against it highly for his own reasons but my mother and he disagreed.
All the sudden I heard my mother say, Ive been secretly going to another church for a couple weeks and Im going there this week and I'm taking the kids with me. I was stunned. Not only was I born as a part of that church I'd been raised there all my life. I didn't even know going to another one was "allowed"
Inside me I felt a sense of dread all night long. I wasnt suppose to have heard the conversation so I had to be silent until the next day when I could ask my mother about it. When she came to me and told me we were going to the other church I had a deep sense of dread. I was 13 so I was sure I was going to Hell and my mother was taking me there.
My mother dragged me there that Sunday, literally. I thought if I made it hard for her to get me ready and dug in my heels that she would give up and leave me home but no. We ended up going there and I was sent to the Sunday School program were I refused to participate. The would ask questions and I had nothing to add. This went on for a whole year. I was not going to give these people any satisfaction.
One day my parents said we needed to have a discussion. I thought it would have been about me being a "bad girl" in church but it wasnt. My dad had gotten a promotion and it would bring us to another town 500 miles away. I was pleased because I thought it meant my mom had come to her senses and once we moved we would go back to the denomination I grew up in. In my 13 year old mind that made perfect sense anyway.
My mother took as to the "new kind" of church but after a year of fighting and scratching I had given in and surrendered to the way it was going to be. I decided I'd be sociable so I said hi to people and such.
After a few months there was a new youth pastor that came in. Boy did he put a smile on this hormonal little girls heart. I thought he was the cutest thing since Shirley Temple. He asked me if Id like to join youth group as I hadnt been and I was more then happy to oblige. Little did I know that this man would be the one that really taught me who God really was.
I went for a couple of weeks and I listened to the youth pastor "eagerly". The more I did the more my heart was being molded and softened by something, "someone" I didn't understand. I began to feel different. I watched as other kids and people around me seem to feel something I didn't. I knew something was in them that wasn't in me so i decided to be brave and ask questions.
Over the next few weeks my youth pastor and his wife taught me about the Bible, even taught me that it was ok to look into it myself. I became enthralled with the scriptures. I never heard the things that I read there and wanted it to become reality in my life.
One night the youth group was having what was called a "lock in" we were at the church all night playing games, praying, bible study. I felt particularly curious that night and I hounded my youth pastor's wife with so many questions I'm sure she thought I was a goof.
We decided to go on a bus to a spot out in the middle of the city to pray over it. I didnt even really know what to pray or how to pray at the time but God all the sudden spoke loudly in my ear and said "I want to introduce Myself to you in a way that you've never known, I want a relationship with you". All of the sudden out in the middle of the city my hands flew in the air and I began to worship God even though nobody else was. Tears of joy came out of me that I'll never be able to explain but that night I knew I was going to get to know God.
When I was 13 I was doing my usual going along thinking I was doing fine when I was laying in bed one night and I heard yelling in the living room, it was my parents. They were arguing about the church.
My father was on the board and unbeknown to me there was a merge between our church and the Korean church in town because they needed a building. My dad was against it highly for his own reasons but my mother and he disagreed.
All the sudden I heard my mother say, Ive been secretly going to another church for a couple weeks and Im going there this week and I'm taking the kids with me. I was stunned. Not only was I born as a part of that church I'd been raised there all my life. I didn't even know going to another one was "allowed"
Inside me I felt a sense of dread all night long. I wasnt suppose to have heard the conversation so I had to be silent until the next day when I could ask my mother about it. When she came to me and told me we were going to the other church I had a deep sense of dread. I was 13 so I was sure I was going to Hell and my mother was taking me there.
My mother dragged me there that Sunday, literally. I thought if I made it hard for her to get me ready and dug in my heels that she would give up and leave me home but no. We ended up going there and I was sent to the Sunday School program were I refused to participate. The would ask questions and I had nothing to add. This went on for a whole year. I was not going to give these people any satisfaction.
One day my parents said we needed to have a discussion. I thought it would have been about me being a "bad girl" in church but it wasnt. My dad had gotten a promotion and it would bring us to another town 500 miles away. I was pleased because I thought it meant my mom had come to her senses and once we moved we would go back to the denomination I grew up in. In my 13 year old mind that made perfect sense anyway.
My mother took as to the "new kind" of church but after a year of fighting and scratching I had given in and surrendered to the way it was going to be. I decided I'd be sociable so I said hi to people and such.
After a few months there was a new youth pastor that came in. Boy did he put a smile on this hormonal little girls heart. I thought he was the cutest thing since Shirley Temple. He asked me if Id like to join youth group as I hadnt been and I was more then happy to oblige. Little did I know that this man would be the one that really taught me who God really was.
I went for a couple of weeks and I listened to the youth pastor "eagerly". The more I did the more my heart was being molded and softened by something, "someone" I didn't understand. I began to feel different. I watched as other kids and people around me seem to feel something I didn't. I knew something was in them that wasn't in me so i decided to be brave and ask questions.
Over the next few weeks my youth pastor and his wife taught me about the Bible, even taught me that it was ok to look into it myself. I became enthralled with the scriptures. I never heard the things that I read there and wanted it to become reality in my life.
One night the youth group was having what was called a "lock in" we were at the church all night playing games, praying, bible study. I felt particularly curious that night and I hounded my youth pastor's wife with so many questions I'm sure she thought I was a goof.
We decided to go on a bus to a spot out in the middle of the city to pray over it. I didnt even really know what to pray or how to pray at the time but God all the sudden spoke loudly in my ear and said "I want to introduce Myself to you in a way that you've never known, I want a relationship with you". All of the sudden out in the middle of the city my hands flew in the air and I began to worship God even though nobody else was. Tears of joy came out of me that I'll never be able to explain but that night I knew I was going to get to know God.
Ten Significant Events In My Life/ 10 Books I Loved Growing Up
1 Getting Saved
2. Graduating High School
3. Moving out on my own
4. Getting Married
5. Getting a real house
6. My first nephew
7 My first love
8. My first kiss
9. My first trip to California. (somewhere other then hick states)
10. college
1. Eight Cousins
2. Little Women
3. Heidi
4. Rebecca of Sunny Brook Farms
5. Jeanette Okes Love Comes Softly Series
6. Dee Hendersons Reunion Series
7. Ramona
8. Amelia Bedilia
9. Blessed Child
10. Hinds Feet On Hinds Places
9.
2. Graduating High School
3. Moving out on my own
4. Getting Married
5. Getting a real house
6. My first nephew
7 My first love
8. My first kiss
9. My first trip to California. (somewhere other then hick states)
10. college
1. Eight Cousins
2. Little Women
3. Heidi
4. Rebecca of Sunny Brook Farms
5. Jeanette Okes Love Comes Softly Series
6. Dee Hendersons Reunion Series
7. Ramona
8. Amelia Bedilia
9. Blessed Child
10. Hinds Feet On Hinds Places
9.
Friday, March 18, 2011
My Dream Writing spot
When I think of where my dream writing spot would be I understand its idealistic and unrealistic but it would be on a park bench in the mountains. Id have a waterfall near by for white sound to blur out any distractions. Preferably a really loud one so that I can only hear the rush of the powerful water pounding the rocks.
Id have beautiful sequoia trees surrounding me, tall and strong. The smell of flowers down the stream that flows under a rickety bridge. Id also have a chair that was adjustable so that if I got uncomfortable I could move it both back and forth and up and down. I
My writing would be inspired by beautiful birds and mountain goats climbing the rocks. The peaceful chirping and the graceful dance of the goats would incite awe and wonder at God's glorious creation.
I told you it sounds like fantasy but thats what I've always dreamed of having as a place I could express my deepest thoughts and feelings on paper as a form of worship that would be pleasing to God
Id have beautiful sequoia trees surrounding me, tall and strong. The smell of flowers down the stream that flows under a rickety bridge. Id also have a chair that was adjustable so that if I got uncomfortable I could move it both back and forth and up and down. I
My writing would be inspired by beautiful birds and mountain goats climbing the rocks. The peaceful chirping and the graceful dance of the goats would incite awe and wonder at God's glorious creation.
I told you it sounds like fantasy but thats what I've always dreamed of having as a place I could express my deepest thoughts and feelings on paper as a form of worship that would be pleasing to God
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
The most creative person I've ever known
I knew a girl in her twenties that had talent that just wouldn't quit. She was a singer, a musician and an artist and also an avid writer. She had so many opportunities in front of her. She was asked by many church and community event coordinators to get involved in everything from drawing murrals for prayer rooms to leading worship conferences.
I admired her because she knew she needed to use her gifts and took every opportunity to use them in a variety of ways. There isnt a person in town that she hasnt influenced with her enthusiasm for life and bubbly personality. That was part of what added to the charm of her talents is that she was excited when she used them. She also used them to help alot of people. Many times if there was a need her talents would promote a business, support a ministry or just plain bless someone that needed it.
I'd love to be like that. Once I tap into a gift I want it to be something that is used to bless others and help the world be a better place
I admired her because she knew she needed to use her gifts and took every opportunity to use them in a variety of ways. There isnt a person in town that she hasnt influenced with her enthusiasm for life and bubbly personality. That was part of what added to the charm of her talents is that she was excited when she used them. She also used them to help alot of people. Many times if there was a need her talents would promote a business, support a ministry or just plain bless someone that needed it.
I'd love to be like that. Once I tap into a gift I want it to be something that is used to bless others and help the world be a better place
Inventors with disabilities
Its very interesting how many inventors have disabilities. I think that probably comes from having to adapt to the limitations they had. I was reading in the book that Im getting these prompts from that alot of the creative juices that come are through struggling through it. If you struggle through something you are likely to have more epiphanies then if you just wrote to just get something without even trying. As unappealing as that sounds it makes sense. When we are forced to work out a problem we tend to have to learn problem solving skills as well as critical thinking.
All the inventors that I found did amazing things such as write music when deaf, discover forces of nature when having seizures and discover record players with deafness. How incredible the human body is to figure out how to compensate for what we don't have. If only we could remember that when we are complaining about not being able to do the little things in life. Often we just give into helplessness or deprivation because we dont want to work to get what we want. I know that some times we need to accept our limitations but I think it happens too often and we dont get as far in our lives as we could if we chose to work hard and think more about what we wanted and needed.
I know I have been guilty of these things. I am in pain or Im tired so I choose to live without something.Then I feel terrible because I dont feel like my life has amounted to anything. Its a vicious cycle that most Americans have accepted as the normal. Sad really when you think of all the other places in the world that really dont have resources but they are often content with what they have.
I pray that I will grow in this aspect because life is really short and there is only so much time to become what Im suppose to be.
All the inventors that I found did amazing things such as write music when deaf, discover forces of nature when having seizures and discover record players with deafness. How incredible the human body is to figure out how to compensate for what we don't have. If only we could remember that when we are complaining about not being able to do the little things in life. Often we just give into helplessness or deprivation because we dont want to work to get what we want. I know that some times we need to accept our limitations but I think it happens too often and we dont get as far in our lives as we could if we chose to work hard and think more about what we wanted and needed.
I know I have been guilty of these things. I am in pain or Im tired so I choose to live without something.Then I feel terrible because I dont feel like my life has amounted to anything. Its a vicious cycle that most Americans have accepted as the normal. Sad really when you think of all the other places in the world that really dont have resources but they are often content with what they have.
I pray that I will grow in this aspect because life is really short and there is only so much time to become what Im suppose to be.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Reframing The Obstacles To My Writing
Most cumbersome obstacle is fear. Fear that it wont appeal to anyone and fear that I wont be able to accomplish what I want to with it. I guess it is a chance for me to realistically work through things and overcome challenge. That would definitely increase my confidence in other ways and help me to realize that I do have potential.
The other obstacle is lack of knowledge. That will force me to broaden my horizons\
The other obstacle is lack of knowledge. That will force me to broaden my horizons\
The gift writing has been
Many times when I couldnt share how I felt with other people or even formulate words to myself I would write.
I love being able to put my thoughts down so that I can sort them out and even rearrange them if I can see that they just arent helping me. I have often thought that sometimes if I put my thoughts on the outside they would be more managable
There are other times on the other hand when I couldnt even think of anything to say or when I saw the words they came out totally the opposite of what I really want to convey or truly have in my heart. I think this is what happens to me the most is that I freeze when I have to confront my words and thoughts. I also feel uncomfortable with what other people might think of me if they truly say what was on the inside. It often paralyzes me to think that my deepest feelings and honest opinions would be attacked to the core. I fear being belittled, criticized, and rejected for what I have been holding in and protecting.
The wonderful thing about writing is if you dont want to show it to anyone you dont have too and you can still take yourself where you want to go and be who you are. There are times when you wont even like what you write or think but the truth is out there. Its not just in your head ruminating and becoming bigger then life.
I love being able to put my thoughts down so that I can sort them out and even rearrange them if I can see that they just arent helping me. I have often thought that sometimes if I put my thoughts on the outside they would be more managable
There are other times on the other hand when I couldnt even think of anything to say or when I saw the words they came out totally the opposite of what I really want to convey or truly have in my heart. I think this is what happens to me the most is that I freeze when I have to confront my words and thoughts. I also feel uncomfortable with what other people might think of me if they truly say what was on the inside. It often paralyzes me to think that my deepest feelings and honest opinions would be attacked to the core. I fear being belittled, criticized, and rejected for what I have been holding in and protecting.
The wonderful thing about writing is if you dont want to show it to anyone you dont have too and you can still take yourself where you want to go and be who you are. There are times when you wont even like what you write or think but the truth is out there. Its not just in your head ruminating and becoming bigger then life.
When Im Inspired
Usually Im inspired when Im really sad or really happy. The depths of despair inspire me as does elation. I dont know why I have no motivation when life is just normal. I wonder if that happens with most people if not everyone. I often wish I could find inspiration when I am at a calm because I feel like I can think better but maybe not. Maybe being in despair or elation somehow triggers a mechanism in my brain that causes me to think more clearly. Who knows?
I was able to write alot when I was dumped by a fiance and when I separated from my husband. I was able to write when my life was closest to God and when I was at my most happy place but when Im just going through day to day processes I guess I tell myself nobody would be interested in anything I had to say or would even be disturbed at what I share. So to avoid anyone falling asleep or off their chair I just dont do anything.
I find myself really wanting to share my inner thoughts and ideas all the time but seldom risk rejection by just thinking about what I would write. Maybe just maybe I could venture out and see if anyone would like to hear what I had to say or get something valuable out of my writing. We shall see.
I was able to write alot when I was dumped by a fiance and when I separated from my husband. I was able to write when my life was closest to God and when I was at my most happy place but when Im just going through day to day processes I guess I tell myself nobody would be interested in anything I had to say or would even be disturbed at what I share. So to avoid anyone falling asleep or off their chair I just dont do anything.
I find myself really wanting to share my inner thoughts and ideas all the time but seldom risk rejection by just thinking about what I would write. Maybe just maybe I could venture out and see if anyone would like to hear what I had to say or get something valuable out of my writing. We shall see.
Motivational Sayings for my writing
A keen sense of humor helps us overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected and outlast the unbearable.
- Billy Graham
A singer starts by having his instrument as a gift from God. When you have been given something in a moment of grace, it is sacrilegious to be greedy.
- Marian Anderson
A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills and uses these skills to accomplish his goals.
- Larry Bird
Amateurs wait for inspiration. The rest of us just get up and go to work.
- Chuck Close
- Billy Graham
A singer starts by having his instrument as a gift from God. When you have been given something in a moment of grace, it is sacrilegious to be greedy.
- Marian Anderson
A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills and uses these skills to accomplish his goals.
- Larry Bird
Amateurs wait for inspiration. The rest of us just get up and go to work.
- Chuck Close
Prompt 2 Writing Is Hard
I am still not very confident in my writing even though Ive had more then one person tell me I would do well. I guess we always see ourselves differently then others.
I need to figure out what kind of writing I am really good at. I've done a few types but to be honest I never really stuck to one long enough to be excellent in any one area. Perhaps now that I have financial motivation that will help me be more disciplined.
I need to figure out what kind of writing I am really good at. I've done a few types but to be honest I never really stuck to one long enough to be excellent in any one area. Perhaps now that I have financial motivation that will help me be more disciplined.
Prompt 1 Who has influenced me to write
When I was separated I unfortunately had to write a few confrontation letters. I felt intimidated because words never seemed to make my point come across. I agonized and prayed over the words and every one that I shared them with in my support system would tell me that I wrote eloquently and beautifully.
One of my friends thats usually very critical and also very intelligent had to help me edit one of the college papers I wrote, she told me I would be a good writer and should seriously pursue it.
I started a novel when I was a kid in school and was very encouraged to do it.
One of my friends thats usually very critical and also very intelligent had to help me edit one of the college papers I wrote, she told me I would be a good writer and should seriously pursue it.
I started a novel when I was a kid in school and was very encouraged to do it.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Experimenting
Its been recommended to me that I pursue more in my writing. I'm not even really sure where to begin but Ive been researching ideas and rules and such so I'm going to experiment here and see what happens.
The first experiment they suggested is to find adjectives for my personality. Even as I was reading about this I had a friend suggest maybe fiction or romance but I realized I'm too analytical and writing something "fake" would drive me nuts cause I would keep trying to make sense of it. How silly is that? It is however a very interesting thing I learned about myself and also a clue as to what my writing voice ISNT. So at least I have a first step to learning what I need to not do .
I've also thought about the things I have done even though I've never published. One is paraphrasing the bible and also other books. The other is journaling. Perhaps between those two things I can expand my horizons. I guess even this is doing that. I may be off to a good start after all. Who knows? I'd appreciate any comments or feedback.
The first experiment they suggested is to find adjectives for my personality. Even as I was reading about this I had a friend suggest maybe fiction or romance but I realized I'm too analytical and writing something "fake" would drive me nuts cause I would keep trying to make sense of it. How silly is that? It is however a very interesting thing I learned about myself and also a clue as to what my writing voice ISNT. So at least I have a first step to learning what I need to not do .
I've also thought about the things I have done even though I've never published. One is paraphrasing the bible and also other books. The other is journaling. Perhaps between those two things I can expand my horizons. I guess even this is doing that. I may be off to a good start after all. Who knows? I'd appreciate any comments or feedback.
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