I have been really annoyed lately at people who refuse to communicate yet expect you to understand what they need and want. Some people think they are being so kind by trying to gently tell you what they want or what they dont want yet by being "kind" they end up just being confusing and aggravating.
I must admit I am guilty of this alot of time and I get angry with myself when I do it however there have been alot of incidents lately where I have had people angry with me for weeks, even months because they havent told me directly that they wanted something or that I was doing something that hurt them.
The worst part is often these people are two faced and will tell you they are perfectly happy with you to your face but tell others what an "ogre" you are. I have a good heart and I love people and generally try to be a nice person but when people do this to me I feel like such a bad person. Then I get confused because I have no idea "how to be a better person" when it reality I never did anything wrong.
I cant do anything about how others will do this but I am going to try my best to change my ways of communicating so I dont do this to others and maybe perhaps feel better about myself when I am honest.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
My favorite play times as a child
One of my favorite places to play when I was little was under a "great big" pine tree in our yard. My dad was a machinist so he brought home a "spool" for large wire that I would use as a table. I would play tea party and house for hours. I also loved to play teacher and would put my stuffed animals and dollies around the table.
I found this place a solace from my world of hospitals and surgerys. I could fantasize about being a mommy. Keeping my "children" happy and safe. I'd teach them how to read and spell and give them lessons on etiquette and manors.
I loved playing with the pine cones and sticks under the tree and alway felt like the tree was hiding me from everything, keeping me safe even though I could be seen from the street in the front.
I also had a life size doll house I loved to play in during my kindergarten class. They had play cups and and bowls, pots and pans that I would pretend to take care of my own beautiful house. I dont rememeber anyone ever playing with me in it so I could make it any way I wanted.
Come to think of it playing house was my favorite game.
I found this place a solace from my world of hospitals and surgerys. I could fantasize about being a mommy. Keeping my "children" happy and safe. I'd teach them how to read and spell and give them lessons on etiquette and manors.
I loved playing with the pine cones and sticks under the tree and alway felt like the tree was hiding me from everything, keeping me safe even though I could be seen from the street in the front.
I also had a life size doll house I loved to play in during my kindergarten class. They had play cups and and bowls, pots and pans that I would pretend to take care of my own beautiful house. I dont rememeber anyone ever playing with me in it so I could make it any way I wanted.
Come to think of it playing house was my favorite game.
5 Things I'd take to a deserted island
1. My bible because I'd need lots of comfort and encouragement if I was feeling so trapped and scared I"d never get back home. I'd also want to keep my heart close to the Lord to survive
2. My kitty to make sure I could take care of her.
3. My bean pillow so I could have some comfy place to lay
4. My kefty excercize things to keep limber so my legs dont hurt
5. a water filter cause you cant drink sea water
2. My kitty to make sure I could take care of her.
3. My bean pillow so I could have some comfy place to lay
4. My kefty excercize things to keep limber so my legs dont hurt
5. a water filter cause you cant drink sea water
My favorite dolls growing up
Raggedy Anne and Andy were my favorite growing up. I had a Raggedy Anne on my crutch when I was little and a male friend of mine had a Raggedy Andy. We always hung out so when people saw us together they thought we were "a couple" lol. I guess that is one thing that I loved about it is that it brought smiles to peoples faces that I passed by. People often stare at me like Im kinda freaky but when I was little they couldnt help but think. CUTE. Boy are those days long gone lol.
Another of my favorite dolls was a furry stuffed puppy I called Puff. He went with me through all my surgerys and by then I had at least 10. I would feel like he was my guard dog against the doctors. It was a silly notion but when your a scared little girl it sure seemed comforting.
Mandy was a doll that I had been looking at for months because she was beautiful. She had blonde shoulder length hair and a pretty pink night gown with lace on the bodice. I pretended she was my little girl. I had dreams of being mommy and was so trying to learn to be a good one :)
I think dolls really gave me an opportunity to dream about what I wanted to be and do when I grew up. I could be a mommy, a teacher, and a wife. Dolls were a wonderful outlet for me.
Another of my favorite dolls was a furry stuffed puppy I called Puff. He went with me through all my surgerys and by then I had at least 10. I would feel like he was my guard dog against the doctors. It was a silly notion but when your a scared little girl it sure seemed comforting.
Mandy was a doll that I had been looking at for months because she was beautiful. She had blonde shoulder length hair and a pretty pink night gown with lace on the bodice. I pretended she was my little girl. I had dreams of being mommy and was so trying to learn to be a good one :)
I think dolls really gave me an opportunity to dream about what I wanted to be and do when I grew up. I could be a mommy, a teacher, and a wife. Dolls were a wonderful outlet for me.
These are a few of my favorite things.
1. Dolls
2. Piano Music
3. Thomas Kinkade/Norman Rockwell Art
4. Mountains in summer
5. Rainbows
6. Gardenias
7. Sunshine
8. Warm rains
9. Jewelry
10. Good friends
11. True story movies
12. Thunder
13. Snuggles
14. Fire places
15. Sparkly things like sequins and glitter
16. The smell of real pine
17. Oceans
18.Tinsel on Christmas trees
19. Christmas
20. The smell of baking
21.Gum drops
22. Cinamon bears
23. The Waltons
24. Little House on The Prairie
25. Victorian style dresses (Cinderella style)
26. Lace
27. Snow (looking from inside out)
28. Poetry
29. Gingerbread cookies
30. Quilts
2. Piano Music
3. Thomas Kinkade/Norman Rockwell Art
4. Mountains in summer
5. Rainbows
6. Gardenias
7. Sunshine
8. Warm rains
9. Jewelry
10. Good friends
11. True story movies
12. Thunder
13. Snuggles
14. Fire places
15. Sparkly things like sequins and glitter
16. The smell of real pine
17. Oceans
18.Tinsel on Christmas trees
19. Christmas
20. The smell of baking
21.Gum drops
22. Cinamon bears
23. The Waltons
24. Little House on The Prairie
25. Victorian style dresses (Cinderella style)
26. Lace
27. Snow (looking from inside out)
28. Poetry
29. Gingerbread cookies
30. Quilts
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Alternate story to my life
My name is Wendy Packard. I am 42 year old wife. I am a native of Colorado. I am just your average ordinary house wife. I have 3 beautiful children who I adore and they adore me. I am athletic and love to hike in the mountains exploring nature and taking in the beauty of God's creation.
I am a very successful author and speaker. I've written 4 devotionals and speak across the country about how through positive living and taking care of yourself, you can achieve anything.
I have been married for 9 and a half years to my husband who is a pastor of a church in the hills. He is attractive and sometimes that makes me turn into a jealous dote but he understands and is very patient with my shortcoming.
My mother and father are still alive both in their 60s. I have one brother and one sister, both younger. . My sister is pretty and owns her own furniture warehouse. My brother is a pretty strong and sturdy plumber and has won many awards for the work he has done, including work at Disney . I also have a sister in law by my brother and two nephews.
I have 4 years of college under my belt . I havemy counseling/psychology degree. My husband has also been a source of confidence for me. He makes me feel smart perhaps smarter then I really am and constantly encourages me to pursue things that will biuld on my strengths. I can also ask him anything and he doesnt make me feel stupid. When I have been convinced that I couldnt do something he will push me til I at least try my best.
My dream is to one day own my own christian counseling agency for people that are christians that have been hurt by the rest of the church. Often christians need help but are afraid to reach out because they are told they arent being godly or faithful enough and I would like a counseling agency that is a safe haven for people that need to heal.
Anyway thats my life in a nut shell. I hope to get to know you more as well and thank you for listening to my story.
I am a very successful author and speaker. I've written 4 devotionals and speak across the country about how through positive living and taking care of yourself, you can achieve anything.
I have been married for 9 and a half years to my husband who is a pastor of a church in the hills. He is attractive and sometimes that makes me turn into a jealous dote but he understands and is very patient with my shortcoming.
My mother and father are still alive both in their 60s. I have one brother and one sister, both younger. . My sister is pretty and owns her own furniture warehouse. My brother is a pretty strong and sturdy plumber and has won many awards for the work he has done, including work at Disney . I also have a sister in law by my brother and two nephews.
I have 4 years of college under my belt . I havemy counseling/psychology degree. My husband has also been a source of confidence for me. He makes me feel smart perhaps smarter then I really am and constantly encourages me to pursue things that will biuld on my strengths. I can also ask him anything and he doesnt make me feel stupid. When I have been convinced that I couldnt do something he will push me til I at least try my best.
My dream is to one day own my own christian counseling agency for people that are christians that have been hurt by the rest of the church. Often christians need help but are afraid to reach out because they are told they arent being godly or faithful enough and I would like a counseling agency that is a safe haven for people that need to heal.
Anyway thats my life in a nut shell. I hope to get to know you more as well and thank you for listening to my story.
Hello Stranger
My name is Wendy Packard. I am 42 year old wife. I am a native of Colorado. I wish I could tell you that I am your average house wife but that isnt exactly true. I am very unique in alot of ways. One of those ways that ditinguishes me as different is that I have a birthdefect called Spina Bifida. That means when I was born my spine wasnt fully developed so there are alot of nerves and tissues that were not connected so there are alot of complications that go with that.
Mostly internal complications are a part of what I deal with but as you can see I am in a wheelchair and have deformed legs and feet. I've been told that the upper half of my body is attractive although I dont exactly see what people see in me that gives them that opinion.
Most the time I do not have pain with the exception of nights when the nerves are dormant from not moving as much. I usually dont hurt unbareably but occassionally it does get overwhelming in which case I have a few pain meds.
Another thing you will find unconventional about me is I dont have very good coordination in my hands as they have a bit of cerebal palsy also my eyes are a tiny bit crossed.
Because of other internal complications I've had I have had 23 surgerys since I was 6 hours old. Most of the surgeries I've had are cosmetic but there have been some that have been life saving. The ones that have been threatening usually involved the shunt in my head which is there because of excessive water on my brain called Hydrocephalas. There have been very severe revisions to my shunt that I have had although most of them have not been.
Another thing about me is that I have been married for 9 and a half years to my husband who is a video editor. He is able bodied and still finds me attractive which blesses me because I have always thought I would only end up with someone with a handicap.
My mother and father are still alive both in their 60s. I have one brother and one sister, both younger. They were not born with any handicaps. My sister is usually pretty sickly but usualy its sinus infections and such, my brother is pretty strong and sturdy and is generally pretty healthy. I also have a sister in law by my brother and two nephews.
I am also married as of 2001 to my husband of 10 years at 32 years old. He is able bodied as well and I feel extremely blessed because I always thought that if I ever did get married that it would be to a handicapped person.
I have 4 years of college under my belt although no degree as of yet because of different circumstances that have pulled me away from finishing. I hope to someday get my counseling/psychology degree. Even though I havent finished I am satisfied with having as much as I did because it showed me that I have the intellegence that when I was born was discredited by doctors and other professionals.
My husband has also been a source of confidence for me. He makes me feel smart perhaps smarter then I really am and constantly encourages me to pursue things that will biuld on my strengths. I can also ask him anything and he doesnt make me feel stupid. When I have been convinced that I couldnt do something he will push me til I at least try my best.
My dream is to one day own my own christian counseling agency for people that are christians that have been hurt by the rest of the church. Often christians need help but are afraid to reach out because they are told they arent being godly or faithful enough and I would like a counseling agency that is a safe haven for people that need to heal.
Anyway thats my life in a nut shell. I hope to get to know you more as well and thank you for listening to my story.
Mostly internal complications are a part of what I deal with but as you can see I am in a wheelchair and have deformed legs and feet. I've been told that the upper half of my body is attractive although I dont exactly see what people see in me that gives them that opinion.
Most the time I do not have pain with the exception of nights when the nerves are dormant from not moving as much. I usually dont hurt unbareably but occassionally it does get overwhelming in which case I have a few pain meds.
Another thing you will find unconventional about me is I dont have very good coordination in my hands as they have a bit of cerebal palsy also my eyes are a tiny bit crossed.
Because of other internal complications I've had I have had 23 surgerys since I was 6 hours old. Most of the surgeries I've had are cosmetic but there have been some that have been life saving. The ones that have been threatening usually involved the shunt in my head which is there because of excessive water on my brain called Hydrocephalas. There have been very severe revisions to my shunt that I have had although most of them have not been.
Another thing about me is that I have been married for 9 and a half years to my husband who is a video editor. He is able bodied and still finds me attractive which blesses me because I have always thought I would only end up with someone with a handicap.
My mother and father are still alive both in their 60s. I have one brother and one sister, both younger. They were not born with any handicaps. My sister is usually pretty sickly but usualy its sinus infections and such, my brother is pretty strong and sturdy and is generally pretty healthy. I also have a sister in law by my brother and two nephews.
I am also married as of 2001 to my husband of 10 years at 32 years old. He is able bodied as well and I feel extremely blessed because I always thought that if I ever did get married that it would be to a handicapped person.
I have 4 years of college under my belt although no degree as of yet because of different circumstances that have pulled me away from finishing. I hope to someday get my counseling/psychology degree. Even though I havent finished I am satisfied with having as much as I did because it showed me that I have the intellegence that when I was born was discredited by doctors and other professionals.
My husband has also been a source of confidence for me. He makes me feel smart perhaps smarter then I really am and constantly encourages me to pursue things that will biuld on my strengths. I can also ask him anything and he doesnt make me feel stupid. When I have been convinced that I couldnt do something he will push me til I at least try my best.
My dream is to one day own my own christian counseling agency for people that are christians that have been hurt by the rest of the church. Often christians need help but are afraid to reach out because they are told they arent being godly or faithful enough and I would like a counseling agency that is a safe haven for people that need to heal.
Anyway thats my life in a nut shell. I hope to get to know you more as well and thank you for listening to my story.
Friday, April 1, 2011
If I were a tree
If I could be any tree I'd want to be an aspen. The are beautiful even when they are wilting and when winter has taken all the leaves they are still beautiful. In autumn when they are beginning to wilt they become more and more colorful and more attractive to the eye of the beholder. The dont seem very strong and tall but they last a long time and when itcomes down to it what good does it do to be strong and tall if your not sturdy and can stand the winds of the seasons or fires.
I'd like to think that I could be like that. The more time brings me trials and hard winds the more beautiful I become. Its already too late for the outside but the inside is what people are most drawn too and Id like to have people drawn to me.
I use to be more of an Aspen then I am now. Life has blown away alot of the beauty I use to possess but I realize that its not my beauty people see if they see any but our Lord's. I want to be drawn to Him more so that people see more beauty in me.
I'd like to think that I could be like that. The more time brings me trials and hard winds the more beautiful I become. Its already too late for the outside but the inside is what people are most drawn too and Id like to have people drawn to me.
I use to be more of an Aspen then I am now. Life has blown away alot of the beauty I use to possess but I realize that its not my beauty people see if they see any but our Lord's. I want to be drawn to Him more so that people see more beauty in me.
In My House
I have a couple of small black bookshelfs that we formed into our entertainment center.. It has our tv on top and a gadget that you push the buttons to turn from tv to dvd and such. On the other side is a valentines card and an empty vase.
On the first shelf is the wii and the life alert machine to respond to my bottun. The second shelf is a bunch of my husband's work dvds and a box of tapes.
On the next shelf is the cable box and dvd player and a couple of cds and on the last shelf is some phone books and some magazines
Next to the entertainment center is a tv tray with a bunch of magazins and mail on it also a remote.
on the far side of that room is a nordic track skiier on a mat.
In the middle of the room is a large round cherry wood coffee table on top of an oriental rug. Next to it is a large chocolate brown sectional with some blankets, a tripod and the black and white cat on it
On the walls is a serenity prayer picture with the laughing Jesus and Faith, Hope, and Love plaques. Another wall is a rose picture with two doves in the middle that says Love is Patient. Next to that is a marriage commitment plaque.
In the dining room is the water cooler and the Keurig coffee maker with boxes of Kcups next to it. There is a table with a whole box of snack foods and a couple of dishes that need to be cleaned, also a bag of cat food and some paper towels. Under the table is the cat dish with food and water.
In the kitchen is the counter with lots of dishes that need to be washed and the cooking gadgets such as the Nuave oven and kitchen aide mixer. On the other side of the stove is a Lazy Susan with serving spoons, ladels and spatulas.
In our main bedroom is a bed, a dresser, a bedstand, and my scooter. On the bedstand is our alarm clock and a glass of water. On the bed is quilt that is mainly light blue patches with flowery patterns, a bunch of pillows some normal and a couple of corn hull pillows.
In my favorite room is a desk with a bunch of books on top, a few flowers and a doll. Also a paper rack and some pens and pencils.
On the other side of the room is the day bed with a whole bunch of teddy bears and dollies on it
On the first shelf is the wii and the life alert machine to respond to my bottun. The second shelf is a bunch of my husband's work dvds and a box of tapes.
On the next shelf is the cable box and dvd player and a couple of cds and on the last shelf is some phone books and some magazines
Next to the entertainment center is a tv tray with a bunch of magazins and mail on it also a remote.
on the far side of that room is a nordic track skiier on a mat.
In the middle of the room is a large round cherry wood coffee table on top of an oriental rug. Next to it is a large chocolate brown sectional with some blankets, a tripod and the black and white cat on it
On the walls is a serenity prayer picture with the laughing Jesus and Faith, Hope, and Love plaques. Another wall is a rose picture with two doves in the middle that says Love is Patient. Next to that is a marriage commitment plaque.
In the dining room is the water cooler and the Keurig coffee maker with boxes of Kcups next to it. There is a table with a whole box of snack foods and a couple of dishes that need to be cleaned, also a bag of cat food and some paper towels. Under the table is the cat dish with food and water.
In the kitchen is the counter with lots of dishes that need to be washed and the cooking gadgets such as the Nuave oven and kitchen aide mixer. On the other side of the stove is a Lazy Susan with serving spoons, ladels and spatulas.
In our main bedroom is a bed, a dresser, a bedstand, and my scooter. On the bedstand is our alarm clock and a glass of water. On the bed is quilt that is mainly light blue patches with flowery patterns, a bunch of pillows some normal and a couple of corn hull pillows.
In my favorite room is a desk with a bunch of books on top, a few flowers and a doll. Also a paper rack and some pens and pencils.
On the other side of the room is the day bed with a whole bunch of teddy bears and dollies on it
I am
I am 4"11
I am suffering from allergies
I am wearing a pink t shirt from a womens conference in 2006
I am wearing jeans
I am in a wheelchair
I am bored
I am watching SuperNanny
I am really disappointed I couldnt go out today cause I didn't feel good
I am looking forward to church on Sunday
I am a bit hungry
I am not sure I am going to be very good at this writing thing
I am waitng for my home health worker
I am a christian
I am a daughter
I am a wife
I am a woman
I am drinking Dr. Pepper
I am hoping to get to see the movie Hop
I am making an I am list as a prompt
I am not sure how this is going to help my writing
I am suffering from allergies
I am wearing a pink t shirt from a womens conference in 2006
I am wearing jeans
I am in a wheelchair
I am bored
I am watching SuperNanny
I am really disappointed I couldnt go out today cause I didn't feel good
I am looking forward to church on Sunday
I am a bit hungry
I am not sure I am going to be very good at this writing thing
I am waitng for my home health worker
I am a christian
I am a daughter
I am a wife
I am a woman
I am drinking Dr. Pepper
I am hoping to get to see the movie Hop
I am making an I am list as a prompt
I am not sure how this is going to help my writing
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